past present future...and lessons learned

Well now school is over.....whats next?

I've been pondering this all day and I still have not come up with an answer. I have thought of an internship that I am currently in the running for but if that doesnt turn out then I need to find another job. The thing is is that it will be very hard to find a job since I can not lift heavy objects and I can not kneel or walk on stairs. This puts me at a dis-advantage. So I pray now that I job will find me....somehow.....and somehow God will provide.

I look upon my first year at Summit Pacific College and there are a lot of things I'm glad I've done and I know to do them next year but there are also a lot of things that I know need fine tuning and need to be fixed before and during college. I've learned that if I would have just studied not harder but more often I could be less worried about exams and also do better on the exams. I have learned that just becuase one friend has drama and might come to me for venting or advice does not mean that I should become involved in this drama to fix things....I should let them be fixed by one who created the world and will one day fix everything. I have learned that no matter how many times I fail an exam from God that I will always be loved by Him. I have done some things this year that I am not proud of and some I have done intentionally because I thought I had no other option. Time and again God has shown me another path, sometimes by force of outside forces (my friends). These are some of the things I have learned and there are more but too many to list here.

I was at graduation and I was going to leave in the middle of it but I couldnt....I mean litterally I couldnt leave. Seeing some of my friends on that stage truly brought everything home to me. I was even moved to tears by a couple of the speeches the valedictorian and the charge's speeches come to mind when I think of it. I looked at that stage and picture myself up there with my friends realizing what a true great honor that is to say "I have made it this far and now I go on to serve God with more wisdom than when I started." I also remember the speach that Dave Demchuck gave one particular sentece was "is graduation going to be a landing stip or a launching pad." To me its both, I can come down at graduation for the opportunity to relax for a moment and let my gaurd down not to spiritual matters but to things that only matter in a mortal life. Then when that time has passed I see a true launching of oneself into the path that God has called us all to. I can't wait for that day, a part of me wishes that I was on that stage with them but I know I still have many more things to learn before I earn that prevelidge to sit/stand there with my peers/friends and teachers.

So now I write about what I've learned, what I've seen, what I've felt but over this summer I've begun to think that there are some things that need to change about myself. I need to fix some addictions.......no not drugs...I'm not that dumb. I need to seek God more and make myself more available to him. I need to also become a better learner...I need to learn as much as I can read all the books I can find and know as much as I can before I leave Summit so that when I leave I leave with as much knowledge as I can to improve my chances of doing God's work. These are not only my thoughts, feelings, and lessons. They are my actions and not only that but my promises to myself and to God.

I am not what I once was but I am changed. I am new.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

First year

Its been a lot of ups and downs during my first year at Bible College. I started out here unsure of what was to come and if I was actually strong enough to complete this new task God had put before me. I was a new Christian I had just found my faith in God and now I was coming to the place where I was to find my path or career.



When I got here it was overwhelming everyone was so nice and welcoming I felt like I had 200 friends just for showing up on my first day. As they days progressed I found God lead me to different people who eventually made up my core group of friends that I always hung out with. It didnt take long for the drama to unfold and then it was a big deal.



Now as I reflect back on my first year here I see that its been one long journey. Although the year seems to have gone by so fast I can tell that I haved learned a lot since being here. God has given me tests and most I have failed. At this very moment I am in the middle of a test that could result in the amputation of my leg. Although I am resolved to do everything I can to make it so that doesnt come to pass I must realize that it is a possibility. God will not leave my side and I will prevail with his strength.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14